A Clean Floor

You can normally tell how stressed I am by how messy my room is. You know it's really bad if the living room is cluttered, too. Because, you see, I can close my bedroom door and no one is the wiser. They don't see the crazy mess that is threatening to engulf me in my room. And it's usually in my most stressed time that I stare at the mess in my room, feel incredibly overwhelmed, and break down and have a cleaning marathon. 

This occurred in my life this weekend. I had cleaned the living room and the bathroom...but my room...that was another story. So, on Saturday, I decided it was time to clean. I stuck in my Castle DVD and played two episodes while I cleaned my bathroom and my room. 

And I went to bed feeling like I had accomplished something. 

The next day, I got up and got ready for church and as I was walking through the living room, I heard, CRASH! and froze. I turned towards my room, praying that the people above me had just dropped something that had sounded much worse below them. But as I walked, I heard CRASH, BANG!!!! 

I ran into my room to find that the rod in my closet had come off....shelf and all. My clothes and anything I had stored on the top shelf were thrown every which way. So, I began to clear out the closet. After an hour or so of spring cleaning, closet was emptied (well...as much as it needed to be!) My shoes lined the bathroom. My clothing was stacked in the corner. My boxes and bags were placed where ever there was room. 

But at least my floor was clean. :) 

(Happy to report that our maintenance department is AMAZING and my closet has already been fixed and things are returning to normal in my room)

Learning Patience...Now!

Ever struggle with patience? I’ve often wondered when I will master the art of patience. When I will really be able to wait on God’s timing without getting antsy, without forcing my own way.

Sometimes, my life is marked by impatience.

I want to know what’s after graduation….today.

I want to lose weight…today.

I want to be fantastic at this new thing I decided to attempt…today.

I want to get married…today.

And lately, I’ve been reflecting on this impatience in my life. Where does it come from? Why do I struggle with it over and over again? Why does it seem like God has to keep teaching me the same lesson about patience? When will I learn?

And I’ve realized that impatience, at least for me, comes from a desire to skip the journey and just get to the result. But the thing is, the journey is what makes it all worth while.

I’m about to graduate with my masters. This has definitely been a journey. When I started this program, I was only planning to get a few credit hours for personal enhancement (and to qualify myself for a job opportunity I was pursuing). And somewhere in the first year, God made it pretty clear I needed to stay and finish this degree.

And I’m going to be honest. Letting go of my plan and my time frame was one of the hardest things I have done. What started out as maybe a year has become a three and a half year journey. And many times along the way, I have wished that I could have my degree…today.

And now that reality is right down the road. And I look back and see this journey that I have been on. I see its ups and its downs and I realize I wouldn’t trade that journey for anything. Because in that journey, I discovered a bit more about who I am…and more importantly, a bit more about who God is.

I read so much about patience in the Bible. “Love is patient” (1 Corinthians 13:4).“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer” (Romans 12:12).  “And after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised” (Hebrews 6:15).

And here's one thing I’ve learned about patience: it goes hand in hand with faith. I can be patient in affliction because I have faith that God sees a bigger plan. I can be patient like Abraham, waiting for God to fulfill his plans for my life, because I trust his character. I can love patiently because God is so patient in the way he loves me.

And so I look at these things that I am impatient about: my future, my body image, my hobbies, my future family, and I see amazing journeys ahead…and there is no telling what the next turn will bring. 

My name

My name is Anna. Somewhere along the line, I discovered I enjoyed learning the meaning of names... I think that developed as I spent some time in India where names are actually a word in Hindi or Sanskrit or insert one of many other local languages here. I knew a person named moon. My landlady's name was heavy rain. Some shared the name of their deity. Some bore the name of a cherished characteristic like truth or wisdom. And then I look at my own name. Anna. Most name guides will tell you that Anna means graceful.

I grew up wishing I was graceful. I am a tall girl who is naturally a bit broad. I've struggled with weight and height and build since I was the tallest person in my sixth grade class. I have terrible posture and in all honesty, graceful has never been one of the attributes I would use to describe myself.

And one day, when I was in a bad mood, I said that to my mom. "Why on earth would you call me graceful?! I am so opposite of that!"

To which my incredibly wise mother said, "Maybe it wasn't meant to be a physical attribute. Maybe, just maybe, you are supposed to be full of grace." 

Full of grace.

So that is how I have tried to live my life. I want to be full of grace. I want to be a fragrance that lingers long after I am gone. Not so that you will look at me...but so that you will look above.

Because of what my Lord did, I hope that my steps are continually filled with grace...the grace that comes with a life completely surrendered...a life that says "I am the Lord's servant. May your word be to me be fulfilled”

So that no matter where I go, I can be stepping gracefully.